If someone you love has died, you may be wondering whether a psychic or medium could reach them. No medium has shown, under controlled conditions, that they can pass on messages from the dead. Some grieving people still say a reading comforted them, and that comfort is real to them. The risk is that grief makes you easy to sell to.

Someone you love died recently, All Souls' Day or an anniversary is close, and you keep wondering whether a psychic or medium could tell you they are all right.

It is written for information and reflection. It does not replace grief counselling or medical care. If you are finding it hard to cope, the support section near the end lists free helplines in India, the UK and the US.

What are you hoping the reading will give you?

People rarely book a reading after a death for only one reason. Naming yours helps, because each hope has a different best answer.

"I want to know they are at peace." No reader can confirm this. A medium can say something comforting, but nobody can check it. If reassurance is what you need, a faith leader from your own tradition, or the people who knew them best, can often give you more than a stranger can.

"I need to say something I never got to say." You do not need anyone in between for this. Write it as a letter you will never send. Say it aloud by their photo or at the place you remember them. Or tell it to someone who loved them too.

"I feel guilty, and I want to know they forgive me." Guilt is one of the most common parts of grief. The NHS lists it among the usual signs, including guilt about something you said or did not say. A reading cannot hand you a forgiveness you will believe the next morning. Talking it through with a counsellor or a bereavement volunteer usually helps more.

"I have a decision to make, and they used to help me with these." This is the hope a reading fits best, as long as the reading is about you. A tarot or psychic reading can be a structured way to think about your own next step. It cannot tell you with any authority what they would have wanted. It should never settle a will, a money question or a medical choice.

Can a psychic or medium contact the dead?

A medium is someone who says they communicate with people who have died. Most psychics and tarot readers make no such claim. The differences between a psychic, a medium and a clairvoyant have their own post.

The best-known controlled test was published in 2005. Psychologists Ciarán O'Keeffe and Richard Wiseman tested five professional mediums, recruited from a list of certified mediums supplied by the Spiritualists' National Union. Each medium gave readings for five sitters, who sat in a separate, soundproofed room. The sitters then rated every reading without knowing which one had been meant for them. Their own readings did not score higher than the others. The authors concluded that the results "did not support the existence of genuine mediumistic ability".

Researchers who are open to mediumship ask a different question: does a reading help a grieving person? In a 2014 paper, Julie Beischel and colleagues at the Windbridge Institute described readings as a treatment option bereaved people choose for themselves, and wrote that "little is known about the effects". A 2024 systematic review of 79 studies looked at "continuing bonds", the ways people keep a sense of connection with someone who died. It found themes of both comfort and distress, and said the research could not yet confirm whether holding on to those bonds helps.

No test has shown that a reading reaches anyone. How a reading affects grief depends on the person and on the reader.

What tarot can do while you grieve

Tarot works differently. A tarot reader does not need to claim contact with anyone. The cards are pictures that prompt you to look at your own feelings, and that is the honest way to use them in grief. Our guide to tarot for self-reflection covers the basic method.

Ask about yourself, not about them. These questions keep a reading on ground it can stand on:

  • What do I most need this week?
  • What am I carrying from this loss that I could set down for a while?
  • How do I want to mark the first anniversary?
  • Who could I lean on more than I have been?

Avoid questions such as "Are they angry with me?" or "Did they suffer?" No card can answer them, and a hard card drawn in reply can stay with you for days. If the Death card turns up, tarot tradition almost never reads it as a literal death. Our post on the Death, Tower and Devil cards shows what the 1910 guidebook said about it.

An invented example, to show the difference. Asha's father died in August. Her first question is "Is Papa still with me?" She rewrites it as "What would help me feel close to him at Diwali?" She draws the Six of Cups, which Waite called "a card of the past and of memories". She decides to cook the sweet he made every year and to make it with her niece. The reading gave her a plan she can keep, and it claimed nothing about her father.

Some people find it better to wait before doing any of this. Practising mediums on Reddit's r/Mediums often advise waiting until grief is less raw. There is no fixed rule. If a reading would feel like pressing on a bruise, it can wait.

Warning signs of a grief upsell

AARP warns that scam psychics prey on people who are grieving, lonely or struggling. The US Postal Inspection Service describes these schemes as an emotional roller-coaster that keeps asking for more money. After a death, the pitch usually takes one of these forms.

  1. "Your loved one is stuck, trapped or not at peace." A paid ritual, prayer or "crossing over" to free them comes next. No reader can know this, and the claim is built to frighten you.
  2. "Only I can reach them." Exclusive access is a way to make you come back.
  3. The message that costs extra. The reading stops just before the important part, and the rest needs another payment.
  4. Requests for jewellery, keepsakes or cash to "cleanse" or keep safe.
  5. Secrecy. You are told not to tell your family. AARP says not to comply when a psychic asks you to keep your dealings secret.
  6. Date pressure. "The veil is thinnest this week" around All Souls' Day, Día de los Muertos, Samhain or a death anniversary, used to rush a booking.
  7. Instructions about wills, money or health presented as coming from the person who died.

A reader with good boundaries does the opposite. They state the full price before the reading, promise nothing about who will "come through", and suggest other support if you seem to be struggling. Our guide to choosing a reader has the general checklist. If you have already paid and feel pressured, stop replying, keep the messages and call your bank. In India you can also report fraud on the national cybercrime helpline, 1930. In the US, AARP suggests reporting it to the Federal Trade Commission.

If you decide to have a reading anyway

That is your choice. Five ground rules keep it safer.

  • Decide the total you will spend before you start. Write the number down and do not go past it in the session.
  • Give little away. Do not volunteer names, dates or how they died. Anything that impresses you then did not come from you.
  • Bring a friend, or keep a record. A written or recorded reading lets you look at what was said a week later, when you are calmer.
  • Make no big decisions from it. Nothing about money, property, medical care or your relationships with living relatives.
  • Notice how you feel the next day. Lighter is fine. A pull to book again the same week is a sign to pause.

Remembering without a reader

Many places set aside the first days of November for remembering. All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day fall on November 1 and 2 in the Western Christian calendar, and Día de los Muertos in Mexico spans the same days. Hindu families have their own times for honouring ancestors, such as Pitru Paksha. None of them needs a reading. Light a lamp. Cook their favourite dish. Tell a story about them to someone who never met them. Our Samhain post has a short section on the old customs of remembering at this time of year.

When grief needs more than this

Grief usually softens with time, though not on a schedule. The NHS suggests seeing a GP if your low mood has lasted more than two weeks, or if the things you are trying are not helping. For some people intense grief lasts far longer. The American Psychiatric Association calls this prolonged grief disorder, and for adults it is considered only when the death was at least a year ago. It can be treated.

Free support you can call:

  • India: Tele MANAS, the government's 24-hour mental health helpline, on 14416 or 1-800-891-4416.
  • UK: Cruse Bereavement Support on 0808 808 1677, or Samaritans on 116 123 at any hour.
  • US: the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Call or text 988.

If you are thinking about harming yourself, call your local emergency number now.

A note on our own readings

Divine Glows readings are written for the living person who asks. We do not offer mediumship, and we do not pass on messages from people who have died. If you want contact with someone you lost, we are not the right service, and we would rather say so here.

Common questions

Can a psychic contact someone who has died?

No controlled test has shown that they can. In the best-known test, published in 2005, sitters could not pick out the readings meant for them from readings meant for other people. Some people still find a reading comforting, but treat it as reflection, not proof of contact.

Is it too soon to see a medium after a death?

There is no fixed rule. Some practising mediums advise waiting until grief is less raw. If you are hoping a reading will take the pain away, it is worth leaning on people and support services first.

Can tarot help with grief?

It can help you reflect if you ask questions about yourself, such as what you need this week or how you want to remember them. Tarot cannot tell you whether the person is at peace or what they are thinking.

Does the Death card mean someone will die?

In tarot tradition the Death card almost never means a literal death. It is usually read as something ending or changing. If it frightens you while you are grieving, set the cards aside for a while.

What are the warning signs of a grief scam?

Being told your loved one is trapped or not at peace, paid rituals to free them, "only I can reach them", extra payments to finish a message, requests for valuables, secrecy, and pressure around anniversaries or All Souls' Day.

Where can I get bereavement support in India?

Tele MANAS, the government's 24-hour mental health helpline, answers on 14416 or 1-800-891-4416. A GP or your local hospital can also refer you to a counsellor.

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